Col 3:18-21: "Wives, Husbands, Children, Fathers"

Intro:

Remember the context, this is what it looks like to have the Word of Christ Dwell richly in you and peace of Christ to rule in your hearts.

Teaching and admonishing one another in skilled living

Being thankful in your hearts to God

Doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him

This section is considered “A Household Text” or “The Household Code”.

Outline:

Wives: “Submit” (v. 18)

Husbands: “Love” (v. 19)

Children: “Obey” (v. 20)

Fathers: “Do Not Provoke” (v. 21)

Summary:

Prayer:

Wives: “Submit” (v. 18)

Who

Wives- “gynaikes” pl, a married woman; a man’s partner in marriage

What

submit- “hypotassesthe” (38x) pres, mid, imperative, 2nd, pl, to be submissive, to be or become inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or show such inclination.

(PIC TO GO WITH THE QUOTE)“The term…has a military use that makes a helpful comparison. It was use to describe an ordered army or a fleet drawn up in battle array, ready to function together as a unit. According to the New Testament, some thing similar should be true of husbands and wives. Their subordination has a practical aspecet in that it creates a greater effectiveness in their working together as one”- Stephen Clark, Man and Women in Christ: An Examinitaion of the Roles of Men and Women in Light of Scritpure and the Social Sciences.

The sense is that I am bringing myself to the point of submission, not that I am forced into submission

This is something to grow in, it is not natural. By nature, as defined in Gen 3. your desire will often be to rule over your husband.

This is more than a cultural thing or an abscure referent to the times of the day, this is something for all time

Order of creation- Gen 1, 1 Tim. 2:13 “For Adam was formed first, then Eve;” )

Order within the Godhead (Christ submits to the Father; Mark 14:36 “And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.””

Order of Marriage- 1 Cor. 11:3 “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”

To your husbands- “andrasin” a married man; a woman’s partner in marriage,

notice the possessive, “your”- This is not an open mandate to submit to all men.

“Submission or subordination does not mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is head of the home.”

Norman L. Geisler, “Colossians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 683.

Why

As is fitting- “an-eh-ken” imperfect act, ind, 3rd, sg, to be proper, to be or become marked by suitability, rightness, or appropriateness. Aha, there it is! You see, even the Bible gives me the leeway to make the choice if it is fitting! You are correct, this is something that needs to be addressed on a regular basis

in the Lord- this clarifies or gives better meaning to “as is fitting”. It is not about personal preference or the way I was raised, or what I saw from my parents. What does God say about it?!

Application/Implications:

Renew the Mind (the Scriptures):

What caught your attention in this section?

Which verses or words would you like to study a little more this week?

Engage the Heart (humility vs. pride):

You say that I should submit to him, but what if he is not worthy of submitting to? I will submit to him when he proves that he is worthy of my respect. What if he asks me to do things that are sinful? First of all, make sure they are sinful and not just personal preferences.

What if I am not married? Who do I submit to?

What if my husband is not a believer or not following God or immature in his faith (1 Peter 3:1-6)

Enlist the Body (Words, actions, emotions):

Ask your husband to finish the statement,,,”I feel most repsected by you when you...”

What are some areas of our family that you think/feel like I am fighting against you and not with you?

What area(s) of our marriage do we need to talk about being more “fitting in the Lord”?

Transitional phrase:

Husbands: “Love” (v. 19)

Who

Husbands- “andres”, pl, masc, husband, a married man; a woman’s partner in marriage

What

Love- “agapate”, pres, act, imperative, 2nd, pl, to love (care), to have great affection or care for or loyalty towards.

BKC- Loving leadership, not dictatoral dominion.

This was not common in the day that Paul is writing, “Requiring wives to submit to husbands, as we have noted, matches widespread Greek and Jewish teaching about marriage. Requiring husbands to love their wives does not.”

Douglas J. Moo, The Letters to the Colossians and to Philemon, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Pub. Co., 2008), 302.

Your wives-

Your- notice the possessive here, not women in general or someone else’s wife, your wife.

How far, to what extent?

and do not be harsh with them

Do not- this is the negation, love is what is to be put on,

Be harsh- “pikrainesthe” (4x) pres, pass, imperative, 2nd, pl, to be embittered, to be or become makred by strong resentment or cynicism, make bitter.

Application/Implications:

Renew the Mind (the Scriptures):

What caught your attention in this section?

Which verses or words would you like to study a little more this week?

Engage the Heart (humility vs. pride):

The wives get one command, the husbands get two!

Husbands, what are your biggest objections to this? What about when her body is going through changes, when she consistenly nags at me?

3

Enlist the Body (Words, actions, emotions):

I feel the most loved by you when you...?

What is one thing that I do or say that comes across as being harsh?

When it comes to our relationship, what am I doing/saying or not doing/saying that is brewing bitterness in your heart towards me?

Transitional phrase:

Children: “Obey” (v. 20)

Who

Children- “Tekna” pl, a son or daughter of any age

What

Obey- “hypakouete”, pres, act, imperative, 2nd, pl, to obey, to be obedient to, overly listen to! listen intently!

slow obedience is no obedience

right away

all the way

with a happy heart

Your parents

Your parents- notice the possessive, not everyone else’s parents, your parents.

How Far, To what Extent

In everything

Your parents- notice the possessive, not everyone else’s parents, your parents.

in everything- “panta”- this means “all”, every one considered individually.

Jesus did this!! Luke 2:51 “And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.”

For this pleases the Lord

Pleases- “euareston”- pleasing acceptable

The Lord

Application/Implications:

Renew the Mind (the Scriptures):

What caught your attention in this section?

Which verses or words would you like to study a little more this week?

Engage the Heart (humility vs. pride):

Children, what would be some of the biggest hurdles for you to obey your parents? They won’t listen, they don’t know me,

2

3

Enlist the Body (Words, actions, emotions):

Parent: What area of your child’s life have you seen resistance to obedience?

Child- Could you please clarify for my why is it so important that you want me to …?”

3

Transitional phrase:

Fathers: “Do Not Provoke” (v. 21)

Who

Fathers- “pateres”, a male parent, also used as a term of address to one’s father, this word is sometimes used to refer to both parents (Heb 11:23 “By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.” ).

In Paul’s Culture it was heavly slanted towards the fathers of the household, yet in modern families where mom is the only parental authority, this applies to both Dad and Mom.

Think, “Parents”.

What

Do not provoke- “erethizete” (2x) pres, act ,imperative, 2nd, pl to provoke (challenge), to stir someone to action, as if by challenging them to a contest; sometimes negatively, to the point of exasperation

Your children- notice the possessive “your”

How far, to what Extent?

Lest they become discouraged- “athymwsin” pres, act, sub (possibility), 3rd, pl, to be disheartened, to be or become discouraged or disheartened; lose spirit.

Deut 21:20 “and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’”

“Paul, in effect, is exhorting fathers to raise their children in such a way that they do their utmost to avoid provoking this kind of rebellious attitude in them.” Dr. Douglas Moo

Colossians and Philemon 4. The Lordship of Christ in Earthly Relationships (3:18–4:1)

Paul does not want to see the children of Christian families disciplined to such an extent that they “lose heart” (NASB; NJB; NRSV) and simply give up trying to please their parents.201

Application/Implications:

Renew the Mind (the Scriptures):

What caught your attention in this section?

Which verses or words would you like to study a little more this week?

Engage the Heart (humility vs. pride):

1

2

3

Enlist the Body (Words, actions, emotions):

Parent- think of 3 things about each of your children that you are thankful for, share it with them today

Spouse- “I have noticed that … is very important to you when it comes to our kids. What are you expectations for him/her?

“Is there an area of your life that you find it really hard to meet my expectations and feel like you never will?”

Child: Dad or mom, I find it really hard to meet your expectations when you constantly say…want me to...

3

Transitional phrase:

Summary

Song:

Benediction/Looking ahead:

Discussion questions

Worship- Renew the Mind (Scripture)

What passage of Scripture did we look at? Summarize it in your own words.

Who all is being addressed in these verses?

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Grow- Engage the Heart (Conversation)

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Serve- Enlist the Body (Action)

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